Psa 103:1-2 By David. Praise the LORD, my soul! Praise his holy name, all that is within me. Praise the LORD, my soul, and never forget all the good he has done.
I have completely and utterly lost my voice. I've been voiceless now for 48 hours. It's not fun let me tell you. But... I've learned something... I talk ALOT. Perhaps I talk too much?
I've noticed that since I can't contribute to the conversation as much, my children have been speaking ALOT more. I've been listening to my son prattle on, and I just smile and nod at him. I've been listening to my daughter tell me about her day. I can't ask questions. I can't communicate to her easily because I have no voice. But I have heard more from her today about her school day than I have EVER heard.
It's frustrating too. I can't call my kids to me. I have to clap to get my baby's attention. I can't tell my children to do the right thing, because they don't hear me. I have to get up, go to them, get in their face, and whisper fiercely. By then, they have stopped and moved on to ten other things. I have to bang surfaces to get my husband's attention. I get frustrated because I can't communicate. I cant talk on the phone. I couldn't do my vocal range test last night. I couldn't sing during music practice. I couldn't pray with my music team aloud. I am not going to be able to worship lead this Sunday, because of the risk of straining it. ARRRGHH!!!
When the music is pumping in the car, the stereo pumps out the songs that make my Spirit soar and my heart long to worship, I open my mouth and out comes..... nothing. I can't sing. I can't speak my praises. I can't worship, vocally.
But it seems that even though I have no voice, communication can still exist. I can nod and smile at my son, and encourage him to tell me more, to play with me more. I can tickle him and tackle him and make him laugh. I can grin at my baby girl and do "tiger claws" - because that is a signal to her that I am about to chase her. I can hold out my arms for her to walk into for a cuddle. I can draw my oldest girl into my arms, and stroke her face and head and look at her as she talks to me. I can kiss her forehead and express my love to her non-vocally.
In my heart I can worship my King. As David said "Praise the Lord, my soul" - no vocals needed. My soul can give thanks to God and worship Him, and he can hear my every prayer, my every expression of love. Just as my children can when I am silent. "All that is within me..." There is so much within me - and I can give it all to God. I have to opportunity to Bless God and remember all the good he has done....
Because I can't talk, I have to listen more. I have shut up God.... take the opportunity to talk to me now! :)
Thankyou for the lesson you have taught me - that silence is golden. That I will hear more if I shut up. And that even though I can't vocally praise you, my heart can. Thankyou for teaching me new ways to appreciate you, and new ways to appreciate worship. Thankyou for my voice - I'm sorry I take advantage of it. I pray my voice will continue to be your instrument in worship and in sharing your Word. I pray you will strengthen it and make it a beautiful instrument.