Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's Spring Cleaning time!

spring cleaning Pictures, Images and Photos

Today I've started spring cleaning. I've just finished my ensuite and half way through my bedroom. I'm exhausted, hot and sweaty. It's no easy effort at all. But I know at the end of my Spring Clean my house will be sparkling clean and organised.

Spring cleaning can be applied to life in general. How about cleaning up our lives? Is what we watch on TV considered clean? Does it glorify smut? Does it rejoice in evil? Do we spend long periods of time surfing the net and ignore the Word of God that is on the shelf? Do we prefer to chat to friends online over chatting to God? Do we have areas in our lives that need "cleaning"? Like our tongue? Do we prefer to have a gossip and speak scathingly, or can we retrain it to speak positively and honorably? Do we prefer to yell and scream at our partner instead of expressing our anger in a way that says "I love you, even though I am angry at you".
What about our minds? Do we think honorably about our "enemies" or do we think about revenge, how much we hate them or other negative thoughts?

There are so many areas in our life that need cleaning up. No one has arrived and is perfect. We can't be expected to clean it all up at once and be perfect immediately. It takes one day at a time, one addressing at a time, one prayer at a time, one repentance at a time etc.

Evaluate your life - is there areas that need to change? Is there areas that need cleaning up? I certainly do!!

It won't be easy - in fact it will be hard work. But the rewards are great. The satisfaction of growth and change is great!

I encourage you today, to spend some time in prayer and ask God to show you areas in your life that need a spring clean, then get into it!!

No intermissions here!

Today God has done amazing things. I'm just so... I can't explain how it is. He's been chatting with me pretty much all day.

This morning the visiting speaker spoke about your dreams - what you want to do for God. He spoke about speaking in faith, moving in faith and living in faith. He spoke about building our dream up - because speaking negatively will tear it down. He suggested using contradicting words - contradict your current circumstances and speak where you want to be. He said that "Faith comes by hearing the word of God" - and hearing it just on Sunday is not enough. We need to get into the Word of God ourself and meditate on what we read - this brings about faith. Not only will we hear from God, but we can speak scripture into our circumstances - these are promises and very powerful.
He also said to use "fighting words". David when he went to take out Goliath, had opposition and road blocks. But to overcome this David spoke of his past victories to build himself up and not be discouraged.
Also we are to talk about where we are going to create a clear picture in our mind. We are also to look at where we want to be and start to break it down to make it attainable. How can I improve? How can I grow so I can be there?

This is it in a nutshell - I only got a few notes down, because I was being tackled by my 3 year old son! :)

Then tonight I received a word of knowledge by a man who operates in the prophetic. Amazing words and he spoke right into my situation - he knew where I was at, what was going on and what was going to happen. God's message is crystal clear. Every day he builds on it somehow. Everyday he speaks into my heart and talks to me.
I am constantly amazed with how God moves and speaks - I don't think that amazement will ever stop.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense to you. But it does to me. I don't want to forget this time. I want to look back at where I was and think, "wow, that was great, but look where I am now. Look at how far God has brought me."

May God be praised and glorified in all I say and do.
Amen.

Monday, August 24, 2009

A double whammy

Today while I was vacumming the carpets, I was listening to Pastor Josh Greenwood, speaking to the church about prayer. Not only are we to pray for breakthrough, but we are to persist. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. Keep praying.

Like Jacob who wrestled all night with that angel - he must have been tired, but he wrestled and asking for a blessing. Then he got a blow to his thigh which would have hurt him - but he kept pushing past that and wrestling until he got his blessing.

We can't give up in praying. We have to persist. Don't just ask once and then walk away discouraged. God wants us to have commitment and persistance, and keep on praying.

When that message was over, I decided to listen to another one by another speaker from a completely different church in 2005!! And guess what that one was about?

Pressing in! Praying and keep on praying. See your vision. See your dreams. Look for the answers. Be committed to it.

It's time. I no longer will sit there and wait patiently for God to bring things about, I am going to step out, and pray for it, believe for it and watch for it.

God is preparing me for greater things, I don't want to let those things slip by and live my life with unfulfilled dreams. It's time to go away, lock myself away in my "prayer closet" and start praying more.

God really has been taking me on a journey over these last few weeks and I believe they are preparing me for the future. I can't be passive in this any longer. I am either committed to make this happen, or I'm not. I either will spend the time praying for it and not let my life slip by without ever fulfilling my dreams and living with purpose.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm ready

I've been saying for quite a while that I would give my testimony, I would share where God has brought me - well today is that day.

Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

I always start with this scripture. It's helped shape me and gave me a hope when there was no hope. This scripture answers all the questions I ask about the why's and hows of everything that is essentially me. God gave me this scripture when I was a teenager, right when I was at a very dark place in my life. Let’s face it, being a teenager can be a really confusing time at the best of times, trying to find out who you are, where you fit in, what you believe, what you think. Teens can find life hard to deal with – and they can be as normal as they come. I wasn't what you would classify "normal" - my circumstances - ME was very unusual. So God saw me where I was at, and gave me something to hang onto. And I hung onto I did. With white knuckled grip I hung on, because if I didn't, I would fall into the black, swirling hole that was at my feet. This is the first scripture that flew right past the past the rubbish and it was planted directly into my soul. No other scripture made such an impact during those times. God knew what I needed and he made sure it hit the spot.

So... on with my testimony.

But my story doesn't begin with me. It actually begins with someone else.

A young girl. A relatively happy, sweet girl. She was a Christian and involved in a church, she had a loving family, pets, a job, friends. But in March 1978 that girl, not long after her 18th birthday, her life was changed forever by a devastating event. She was brutally raped by a “friend” of the family. He left her violated, shamed and emotionally shattered. She was in her own backyard when it happened. She screamed for help while it happened – but no help came.

She reported it – but the law weren’t much help. They gave her a mock trial, and asked her some questions that would be asked. She couldn't go through all that, and have other's blame her for it happening to her. So she dropped it and carried on.

She didn’t want to tell her family. Why? Why wouldn’t you tell your family something terribly had happened to you? Why couldn’t she count on their support? When she was a child, she had been molested by a family member. She told her mother – but her mother didn’t believe her – or didn’t want to do anything about it. This happens a lot even today. I know of many women who have been molested and raped as children, and when they told the people who were supposed to protect them, they did nothing about it. Women today hear their kids have been interfered with, and they ask “What do I do?” If the girl’s mother didn’t believe her then, would she be believed when she said she had been raped? She didn’t think so, so she remained silent.

The poor girl became sick. She had lost weight, she was fainting a lot and she was throwing up everything she ate. She thought she was dying of leukaemia. She went to her doctor. “You are pregnant” was the diagnosis.

She finally told her parents that she was pregnant. Her mother was disappointed in her but she handled it ok, but her father was absolutely crushed. He didn’t speak to her for 6 weeks. His disappointment in her was so great and that devastated the girl so much. She didn’t say a word about the rape. And her parents never knew the truth for a further 6 years.

When she started showing the people in her church judged her. They assumed she had fooled around. It’s a very easy judgement to make in churches, a young woman with a pregnant belly and without a wedding ring comes in, the automatic assumption is that they have been messing around. Maybe not so much today, but back in those times the judgement was severe. Severe AND very wrong. She was isolated because of the gossip and the assumptions made by her church family.
She had no one for support, except her sister, who had become pretty suspicious. She KNEW her sister, and knew she wasn’t the type to fool about.

The girl didn’t want this baby. She didn’t feel like she could do it alone. She didn’t think she really had a choice. So she took steps to have an abortion. She saw her doctor who was a Christian man. He strongly recommended that she didn’t abort the baby. He didn’t think she was psychologically strong enough to handle the guilt of the rape as well as the guilt of an abortion.

She seriously thought about putting the baby up for adoption – even her parents had offered to adopt the baby. But for some reason didn’t follow through with it.

In December 1978 – she had a baby girl by caesarean section.
When the baby was six weeks old, the “friend” and “Father” held the tiny bundle in his arms, looked down at her and said “She isn’t mine” and gave her back to the girl. That girl felt a surge of determination. “Right then! She ISN’T yours, she’s MINE!”

When most Mummies are filled with love and wonder at their new babies, the poor girl felt nothing. She was empty. She really wished she could love her baby. One night she watched her daughter sleeping in her cot, crying because she couldn’t love her baby. She did something that would change the baby girl’s and her own history forever. She did something that would change everything. She cried out to God: “God help me love this baby the very best way I can" God answered the cry of that young mother.

I am that baby. I’m all grown up, and I am loved by my mother as if I was conceived in love. No woman could love a child more than I am loved. She loves me with a love that God planted in her heart. It’s more than the love of a mother – it’s the love of The Father as well.

Romans 8:28 ALL things work together for GOOD to those who love God to those who are called according to his purpose.

HOW is this good???
Romans 8:28 gives me the answer to my questions.
Why?? All things.
Why am I here? Why did sperm meet egg THAT time? Working together for good.
How can you stand by and watch something like that happen? My purpose.
I remember a few years ago going over this verse while reading The Purpose Driven Church. I cried tears of rage and disgust when I read “God planned your birth” What kind of sick God did this? But God is just so powerful and mighty. He took my wounded heart in his hands, and showed me that he could turn a tragedy into a triumph. For rape to become a positive thing takes a miracle.

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For the women who have experienced sexual abuse in any shape or form, there are going to be very few of them that view it as a positive thing. Sexual abuse destroys lives – but thankfully I serve a God that is into mosaic masterpieces – and is an expert at piecing lives back together.
And I am thankful for God’s ability to heal and restore broken lives, because my life got very complicated and very messy.

My life as a child was very good - I was very blessed to grow up in a Christian home. I have attended church all of my life. I was happy, loved and secure. When I was almost 2 years old, a young man fell in love with me. His parents thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. This man who fell in love with me then turned his attentions on my Mum. They fell in love and were married when I was 3 years old. 2 brothers came along within 2 years and I had myself a family.
Now to clarify, this man my Mum married is my Dad. I will always refer to him as Dad – I will never ever call my biological father “Dad” just to eliminate any confusion. Dad may not have contributed to my creation, but he certainly contributed to my life like a Dad should.

When I was young and right up to my late teens, my perception of God was a bit warped. In my generation End times videos were popular, scaring the gajeebers out of every kid in the place. I was scared of God. And Satan.. I was in a pentecostal church! I had heard about him too! One Sunday School teacher we had was having a bad life and she used to scream and yell at us, and make us learn the Lord’s Prayer. I was quite scared of her – and if she was teaching the love of God – maybe I was better off without it. I was scared enough to read my bible, scared enough to pray just in case a bolt of lightening hit me. Every day I would give my heart to Jesus, just in case. But my warped views of God was not reality. I had never heard of a God who loved me, or wanted me just as I was. I never knew that God was someone who could protect me, and be my friend. I guess people just assumed that I would know this.

Life went on all hunky dory. I had a very innocent upbringing. I didn’t question why I was at my parents wedding, it never occurred to me to ask. I never asked why I looked nothing like Dad. Though plenty of other people did. It just never clicked. I just thought I was the spitting image of my Mum, and there was no room for Dad’s genes. Afterall my brothers didn’t look anything like Mum. SOMEONE had to look like her!!

One day when I was 11 my Biological father rang some old friends of our family and asked our whereabouts. He lied saying he had lost our number. That’s how he tracked us down. He called my mum and started asking questions about me and wanted photos of me. My Mum as you can tell absolutely freaked!! Her greatest fears were being realized. She was always so scared that he would come and kidnap me, or just appear and want custody of me or something like that. She HAD to tell me where I came from, how I came to be. Just in case I was approached by him. So I was sat down and given the birds and the bees talk.

I don’t know how Mum did it, it was such a nice casual chat about how the human body worked and how to get pregnant. Then she very calmly told me the very worst news I had ever heard in my life. My world as I knew it crumbled into a million pieces. My dad wasn’t my dad afterall. Instead the man who had helped make me was a monster and worst of all, HE DIDN”T WANT ME! For 6 months or so I was just confused. A little kid can’t absorb this kind of information easily. I was in a daze about who I was. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was no longer the daughter of Mum and Dad. I was no longer the sister of my brothers – I was only half a sister, and a step daughter.

Once a friend from school asked me why I was in my parents wedding. I didn’t know what to say. She said “Your mum must have had sex before she was married.” I hotly denied it! “She did not!” “Well what then?” How could I explain it?? I couldn’t. I just had to shut my mouth and let her bad mouth my Mum. I hated them thinking that my Mum messed around before she was married. I was so ashamed of how I had come to be. I felt guilty, though I can’t explain why. Here started the long term effects in a victim of sexual abuse – I may not have been the dirrect victim, but I certainly had the effects of sexual abuse in me. I experienced guilt and shame.

Life began to change for me. The way I saw things, the way I reacted to things, and the way I felt things. Imagine a pot with potting mix in it. This symbolizes my life. A seed of rejection was planted in my pot and it began to grow. On the branches sprouted anger, rebellion and resentment. And a lot of this was directed at my Dad. We clashed all the time. I yelled at him, screamed at him, he was at the brunt of my anger.

By the time I was 13 I was a volcano, ready to erupt at any moment. My anger was hot and uncontrollable. The anger branch that had grown was bearing fruit. From that plant a branch of hatred had also grown. I hated everyone. No exception.
But I really really hated my Dad… and I had no problem in telling him so. Thinking about it now, I had issues with a Father figure, a man who didn’t want me, who didn’t love me, and couldn’t care less if I was alive or dead. The only Dad I had unfortunately copped my emotional pain.

I used to threaten my parents when things didn’t go my way that I would go and find my real father and go live with him. This was totally irrational, I didn’t WANT to meet him. I didn’t WANT to live with him. I didn’t want anything to do with him. The only time I wanted to see him was just before I inflicted some act of violence on him. I only said it hurt my parents when I said those things. As you can imagine it nearly killed my Mum every time I said that. In retaliation she would say “He didn’t want you”… feeding my plant!

One day after a particularly bad fight, my Mum spat out in anger “I never asked for you to be born.” I was so incredibly hurt by that. I remember that day so well. It felt like I had been physically punched in the chest. I took that as “I didn’t want you either.” My rejection roots were getting fertilized. I was still going to church at this time. Being a good girl on the outside. But on the inside I was vile. I smiled, participated in the service, but when I got home, I was another story.

People used to say “God is going to use you” YEAH RIGHT!! They didn’t know what was in my heart. Now at this time would have been a great time to hear that I could rely on God and he could help me and carry me through… but that sermon was never preached at my church. Because I grew up in a church, people assumed I would know that God was the answer. NEVER ASSUME.
When I was 14 I went to Youth Alive once and decided to give Christianity a go. I was baptized because that was what I was supposed to do. But from there, people assumed I knew what to do, how to be in relationship with Christ etc. But I had no idea. So my Christian walk died not long after getting started.

I just kept getting worse and worse. My broken life was getting poisonous. My rejection plant was growing too big for me to control. By the time I was 15 my plant was bearing fruit left right and center. Verbal abuse, hot anger, intense hatred, losing my temper, foul moods, attitude problems. I was abusive on a daily basis. Emotionally and mentally. I was extremely manipulative, extremely angry, I was withdrawn outside my own home. I didn’t become close to anyone and I didn’t trust anyone.

My soul had become poisonous. It seemed that I screamed out anger and hatred every time I opened my mouth. I refused to cry, I saw it as a sign of weakness, so I bottled it in for years and years. It made my soul sick.

Then on one happy day – Feel my sarcasm. Dad got promoted and we had to move to an outback town in Australia… I saw it as the butt end of the world. I said “God if you love me, you won’t send me there.” I was in a good school, I was “happy”. I didn’t want to start again. On my 16th birthday we moved to the outback.

Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

ALL THINGS work together for good. How can any good come from being shipped off to the butt end of the world? It was stinking hot, there was one main street, I could walk from one end of the street to the other in a few minutes. It was small, quiet and the place seemed to breed flies. It was dry most of the year, and the times it did rain it flooded!

From my 16th birthday, I turned my back on God. He obviously didn’t love me either, he had turned his back on me. He didn’t answer my prayer. He sent me to a place that may as well be the middle of Africa!! I figured since he had a hand in shipping me off to the worst place on earth, he must not really care about me much. Which was another dose of manure on my thriving plant.

For 8 months I became a monster. I fought against church and religion. I was forced to go… even though I didn’t want to. So… I made sure I made my parents life miserable before church so they would have a hard time getting into the mood for worship. I deliberately read comics and Virgina Andrew novels during the sermon, I was rude to anyone who spoke to me. I made them regret ever making themselves known to our family. Pretty soon people got the drift. The pastors didn’t say much to me. In fact they steered clear of me. I was trouble, too much trouble for them to deal with.

A few months after we moved there, new pastors took over the church. And they loved me!! I may have been trouble but they were gracious and kind. They were so nice to me, no matter how nasty I was. This was new to me!! What on earth was wrong with them?? Why didn’t they react to my foul mouth like everyone else did? They invited me to stay with them on their property with their family, they encouraged me and remained neutral at all times. They never once judged me, or told me that I needed to change. They never told me to treat my parents with respect, that I was no good, that I was a nasty piece of work. They just loved me – showing by their actions the love that God had to offer me.

The pastors invited a youth group from the city over to minister to our youth. I was complaining about how I had it tough. That I was in a boring town, my parents were over bearing and strict that it was all hopeless and my life totally sucked. Everyone listened sympathetically… except a girl named Rosie. This feisty little lady was not into giving ungodly counsel. She had the answer! She had hope! And she wasn’t going to keep it a secret! She said one line – and this line hit me – hard. “Get over it and get God.” So simple… but it hit me like a fist in the stomach. It was uncomfortable, it was confronting, it was thought provoking.

It began to stir up thoughts I had never had before. Can God really help me? My view of God was somewhat distant. Someone who didn’t love and didn’t care, who just sat up there and watched what was going on, like a soap opera on TV. Sort of how I saw my biological father. Someone who just doesn’t’ care about anyone. Creates us then walks away. That week, I was ministered to and taught that God was someone who was approachable, and real. Not some pie in the sky. God loved me, right at that moment! He didn’t care if I was a mess. He didn’t care that I had a foul temper and an angry heart. He didn’t care what my emotional state was. He wanted me to come to him. He wanted me to be friends with him.

I gave my life over to Christ, handing over a broken decayed vessel. God took that vessel and began his mosaic masterpiece.

You would think life would get better after that. God had control of my life, I was in relationship with him… it didn’t get better. In fact it worsened dramatically. Satan must have loved my life being so messed up. He was fighting tooth and nail to get my soul back. He obviously saw great potential in me, the same potential God saw. And there was NO WAY he was going to let me go without a fight.Also that great big ugly plant that was deeply rooted into my life had not been dealt with. So I was struggling to live the life that Christ would want me to live, when I had hatred, bitterness and anger still in my heart.

Not long after I gave my life to Christ, I was filled with the Holy Spirit. And from then on life was hunky dory…. My plant magically disappeared, I became a woman of love and grace and peace. And that’s the end of the story…… NOT!

Here began the most turbulent time of my life I had a tug of war going on between my new life and old. The plant was still alive in my heart and was deeply rooted in my life. The Holy Spirit was also in my heart and had a strong hold of my life. The two of them did NOT get along at all. They fought all the time.

The fights I had with my family grew ten times worse if that is possible. I would get up at 4am and study God’s word. I would pray, I would just sit in God’s presence…. And then a few hours later scream and abuse the people around me. How can my heart have two such powerful forces in it? In short, it couldn’t – one had to go. It was either that tree or God.

Life for me just got worse and worse. I was fighting all the time. My parents used to condemn me saying that if God was truly in my life and that I had the influence of the Holy Spirit in me, I would not be acting like this, which infuriated me more. I was struggling to be Christ-like but I was doing it on my own… which is a bad move. I was failing… and I hate to fail.

At the end of my 17th year, after another bitter argument, I’d had enough! I was standing at the kitchen sink, doing the dishes. I was so sick of it all. I was so sick of living like this. I was so sick of fighting. I was so sick of feeling so wretched. I was sick of hurting. I was sick of my life. I didn’t want to live anymore. It wasn’t worth it. I picked up a knife used to cut meat, and began to think about how I could end it. No one else was home. I could slash my wrists and be done with it. No more pain. No more causing pain. No more agony. I dropped the knife back into the sink, scared witless of my thoughts. WHAT was I DOING???? I went to my room, got to my knees and prayed “God get me out of this.” Again God heard the cry of a broken girl – like he heard my Mum 17 years before. God heard me and answered me. Three days later after the hugest fight, I was out of that environment and placed in another. I stayed with my Pastors for a little while.

Now what? God answered my prayer. He got me out of the situation. I no longer was surrounded in arguments, fighting and all the other things that were distracting me from what the real problem was. God showed me this plant that I had in my life. I realized I needed a tree surgeon – God – to rip out that destructive plant in my life. How can I bear good fruits if I am growing evil?

Over the next month or so, I spent a lot of my time praying and allowing God to rip out that tree – leaving one big gaping ugly hole. It hurt… A LOT. There were lots of tears, lots of regret, and times of forgiveness. The first step to healing was forgiveness. I had to forgive the man who had started it all off, I had to forgive him for raping my Mum, I had to forgive him for leaving me, not wanting me, not taking responsibility for his actions. I had to forgive him. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.

Over time He dealt with the mess left behind, healed the big gaping wounds, he loved the unlovelable and sweetened my bitterness. Bit by bit, day by day, week by week, I became more at peace. I felt peaceful. I was a lot happier, I was secure, I didn’t fight with anyone anymore, I was relaxed, and God was teaching me so much, gently pointing out areas in my life that I needed to work on.

My life began coming together. I was developing close relationships with people. I was almost normal! God directed me in places I never thought I would go! – I don’t believe it, but I got involved in ministry. ME.. who used to be a mess, was able to be used by God. That amazed me! It still does!! God is so capable – if we allow him to be.

I don’t know about you, but I see a pattern here. God had his hand on my life. I was precious to Him, and he knew that later on down the track, he could use me. He knew that from the moment I was conceived. Here was a woman who could speak into the lives of those who have been devastated by tragedy. Here I am – a willing vessel – but I was a broken vessel. Why does God want to use me? I am called according to HIS PURPOSE.

When I could have been aborted, he intervened and stopped it happening, he had his hand on me. The day I found out that I was a nobody, a rape child, not wanted, not in the plan - he was there with me, sharing my pain, aching for me, waiting for me to come to him. The times I was fighting, the times I was hating, the times I was being bitter and nasty, he had his hand on me. The day I wondered thought my life was not worth living and it would be better over with, he had his hand on me. The day I came to him, broken and needy, he had his hand on me – still!

My God has the power to piece together a broken life. He can turn a tragedy into something triumphant! We just need to hand over our broken life and leave it in his capable hands.

Today I have a good relationship with my Dad – I have a brilliant relationship with my Mum. A year ago my Mum said something to me that I will treasure always and I thank God for bringing us to this place.

“Skipper, I am glad in a way that it happened. Because if it didn’t. I wouldn’t have you. You make all the rubbish and the pain all worthwhile! If it didn’t happen, your kids wouldn’t be here... and I would have missed out on so much!!”

I am no longer an illegitimate rape child. I am a child of God. Loved, adored, never rejected, special, and blessed.

I hope this testimony about the power of God has blessed you and even helped give you a hope about your own personal pain. I hope these words speak into your life and make a difference there somewhere, somehow.

Please feel free to share it with whoever you think could benefit from this.

Facing up to the flesh

Last night I rocked up to church and was kinda stoked that God spoke again through the speaker. You will never guess what he spoke about??

Yeah... dreams and callings! :) I think God is trying to tell me something.

I will press in, continue to believe and think positively and with faith. God has a plan and a purpose - I of all people should know that. My whole life has been based on God's plan and purpose.

I have things I need to deal with before I can do what God has intended. Fleshy things need to be sorted. I have a spirit of pride - you saw that in action yesterday when I said I was better than another person. I also have to mature up more. Sulkiness because God isn't doing it my way and in my time is immature.

:)

It was a very dangerous prayer of mine - "Grow me Lord" - because God has definately taken me up on that. :)

It's an amazing place to be. Uncomfortable, humbled, and totally intimate with God - even though I am imperfect, He still loves me. I feel like I have just been cuddled and had my hair ruffled by God. :)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Uhhh aren't you forgetting something??

I want to share what happened today...

While I was in church I heard something that was crushingly dissapointing. The thing that I have wanted to do for ages, that would "progress" me in my ministry and giftings, was given to someone else. The green eyed monster of envy reared it's ugly head.

"Why him?"
"I can do the job heaps better..." (no, not exactly humble!!)
"Why does he get the opportunities lately???"

I sulked on the interior, felt anger, felt frustration. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN????

I felt quite negatively for a while, then on the way home, as I moodily stared out of the window, inspiration struck. Maybe I should pray about this!! LOL

So... I prayed. I prayed and asked God to help me respond with grace, fill me with peace and I wanted to trust Him. I prayed that God will help me to get over this dissapointment. I felt better... then I felt even more better... :) God said to me "Aren't you forgetting something?? I told you this, what days ago and you have already forgotten???"

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do in full measure more than all our desires or thoughts, through the power which is working in us,

"I am able."

I started to get excited. God will do in FULL measure MORE than all I desire and dream of!

Then God said "Why are you putting your faith in a human to fulfill this?"

He is right!! I've been waiting for a person to help bring things to pass, and give me opportunities. I have to stop believing in this person, and start relying on God, having faith in God for this. GOD is able.. not a person. If I believe in this person, I'll be going for a consolation prize... I want what GOD has got in store for me. I want MORE than I have ever desired or thought about. I want GOD's plans for me.

MY PRAYER
Thankyou God for your grace, and for reminding me of what I already know. Thankyou for showing me that my faith needs to be in you. Thankyou that you will never dissappoint me. I will wait for you, because what you have for me is going to be amazing.
I pray for the person who is going ahead of me to do great things. I pray that you will bless him and annoint him. Give him courage to speak your word. Forgive me for being a sullen, jealous old bat.
Amen

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Prepare your character

Again another small nudge in the right direction.

I was listening to another message by Ps Phil Pringle. I was plodding along on my merry way - when something he said stuck out to me. "It's not your gifting that is important, it's your character".

In Titus 1 it outlines the qualities needed in a church leader, but I think the most important thing to note is: gifting wasn't even mentioned!! It was character that was described.

Titus 1:5 I left you in Crete to do what had been left undone and to appoint leaders for the churches in each town. As I told you, they must have a good reputation and be faithful in marriage. Their children must be followers of the Lord and not have a reputation for being wild and disobedient. Church officials are in charge of God's work, and so they must also have a good reputation. They must not be bossy, quick-tempered, heavy drinkers, bullies, or dishonest in business. Instead, they must be friendly to strangers and enjoy doing good things. They must also be sensible, fair, pure, and self-controlled.

It doesn't say "This person must prophecy, heal the sick, raise the dead, preach up a storm and worship lead so awesomely" - it says this person must be of moral character, have a good reputation, be kind to strangers, sensible, fair etc.

This goes to show that it's not your skills and abilities that are important, it's what's on the inside. It's WHO you are, not what you can do.

I want to bring your attention to the REPUTATION part. What is your reputation like? Do people see you as a nut case? Rude? Self centered... well.. if you ARE self-centered you won't know that because you are self centered!! LOL. Do people see you as bossy? Abrupt? Unkind? A liar? Or do they see you as reliable, trustworthy, kind, honest etc. How the majority of people see you is usually a good indictation of your character. You can't ignore the majority when they say "She's bad tempered" - and you are the only one who doesn't think so.

I remember a time a few years ago, a man in our church had a very open affair with a woman who was not his wife. He kept coming to church, even though he was "living in sin" and acted like nothing was amiss. Then one day during open worship, he opened his mouth and started giving a word of knowledge. I felt utterly sick in my spirit, and thankfully my Pastor stopped him immediately. His gifting was not important at that time, it was his character.

Titus 1:15-16 Everything is pure for someone whose heart is pure. But nothing is pure for an unbeliever with a dirty mind. That person's mind and conscience are destroyed. Such people claim to know God, but their actions prove that they really don't. They are disgusting. They won't obey God, and they are too worthless to do anything good.

When the time comes, I want my ministry to be good, pure and worthwhile. I want my reputation to go before me, so people will be willing to listen to me. I am willing to do whatever it takes for my character to be molded and shaped.

MY PRAYER
Lord God, hear my prayer. Shape me, help me recognise character flaws that need to change and show me how I should be. Keep exposing me to teaching, keep challenging me and growing me.
Amen

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

God is able.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do in full measure more than all our desires or thoughts, through the power which is working in us,

I was taking a walk, listening to Ps Phil Pringle on my Ipod - and then God spoke. :) I love it when He just rocks up in the mediocre moments in life.

Many years ago, God gave me a vision and a dream. My thinking has been "How are you going to do it Lord? When? Will it happen?" - This is all wrong thinking. I need to change it to "That is going to happen. God will bring it about. Because he is able - and not only will he bring it about, he will do MORE than what I hope for and dream for. "

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Hebrews 11:1 To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.

Faith requires a change in thinking - I need to be 100% sure of the things I hope for and 100% certain that God is in charge.

I need to shape my life around my dreams - like Ps Phil said, a chicken who incubates it's egg - it doesn't get up and walk away and forget about it, then wonder why it never hatched. I need to incubate my dreams, sit on it, stay with it, believe for it, pray for it, plan for it - I don't want to be that person in 40 years time, look back in dissapointment at unfulfilled dreams. It takes full time commitment to incubate a dream.

A few years ago, a visiting minister, who operated in the prophetic spoke into and over my life. A few days before, God had given me "the vision" - showed me what I would be doing. I had dreams of my own that lined up - sort of - with this vision. I saw myself in front of a large crowd of people, giving my testimony - giving hope to the hurting. I had been mulling on that - quite horrified about giving my testimony because it was really scary for me!! Then in church that minister asked the person that God had given a vision to recently to come out. My heart pounded in my chest, and he looked straight at me "It's you isn't it?". I was called out the front and he started to speak. He said that what God had shown me was a teeny, tiny glimpse of the HUGE plans of what he had in store for me, and they would be revealed to me over time.

Crikey!! What kind of plans does he have exactly?? I don't know them all - but the ones I do know of, I will keep believing God to bring them about.

God has huge plans for us all. It's a matter of believing that, being open to God's leadership, being ready to use the giftings that have been placed on our lives, and having thoughts of faith instead of doubt as we incubate our dreams.

What dreams has God given you? Do you believe that God is able to do MORE - FAR MORE than you ever dreamed or expected?

Psalm 20:4 May he give you your heart's desire, and put all your purposes into effect.

God is able. God will do more. God has more in store. God has planted your dreams into your heart and wants to fulfil them.

MY PRAYER
Lord I believe you are able. I believe that your ways are not my ways, and that all you do is for a greater purpose. Lord I pray that people will be encouraged as they read these words and will hang on to their dreams and place their hope and faith in you. Amen

What to do with your gift?

Last night I was praying, asking God what he wanted me to do with the gifting he had placed on my life.

Here is a list of the gifts, based on Romans 12:6-8, Ephesians 4:11, 1 Corinthians 12:1-14 (Taken from wikipedia.com)
Prophecy
Ministry
Teaching
Exhortation
Giving
Leading
Showing mercy (compassion)
Apostolic
Prophectic
Evangelical
Pastoral
Teaching
Wisdom
Knowledge
Discerning of spirits (human, angelic, demonic)
Speaking in tongues
Interpretation of tongues
Prophecy
Faith
Working of miracles
Healing

If you don't know what your spiritual gifting is, there are tests available online to help you work it out. The more detailed the test is, the more accurate is usually is. I took one once and it said Pastoral was my gifting.... PFFTT!! Far from the truth there!! LOL I do have a few gifts, but one mostly inactive one.

ANYWAY... back to my point. I was asking God how could I possibly use the gifting I have on my life when I just don't get given the opportunity. I can't self promote and say "I have this gift on my life, use me!!" I am not arrogant by nature nor pushing my own agenda. I believe that when God is ready he will use it.

Anyway God laid on my heart "prepare".
How can I prepare to use my gift?

I need to depend on God and have faith in HIS purposes.
I need to focus on the GIVER of my gift, not the gift itself.
I need to get good, or excel at my gift.

So I have decided to just write messages, for all kinds of people, on the things that God lays on my heart - instead of writing them up as I am invited to speak. I am going to practice them, in front of the mirror if need be, or to the dog - I feed her, she will listen! :) I can practice to get really good!! I don't have to come to a grinding halt because I'm not in active service just yet. Like a football player exercises inbetween games, I will exercise my gifting and prepare myself to do what God has called me to do.

I'm glad God spoke to me about this. I've been frantic wondering what was going on and why did God give me this gift if it was to lay dormant in me for ages!

I hope this in some way has spoken to you to, if you have unused or undiscovered gifting in your life. If you don't know what your gifting is, I recommend discovering that for yourself, so you can use it to benefit the body of Christ.

MY PRAYER
Dear Lord,
Thankyou for your word, your inspiration and the gifting you have placed on me. I pray that you will continue to speak to me and show me how I can teach your word. Inspire me so that every message that I write up is from you. If you have other gifts to give me, I soooo want them!! Give me what you have Lord, I am your vessel. Fill er up! You are an amazing and gracious God. I am so honored and priveledged to serve you.
Amen

A quote

I just love this quote and I thought I would share:

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly.

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Monday, August 17, 2009

It's not what you can teach others.

I have a confession to make. I stuffed up. BIGTIME!! Now I could have kept this quiet, and not told anyone, and no-one would be none the wiser. But I think that God could use my sin to speak to others.

My stuff up was I nearly posted a massive study, and it was directed at someone as a response to an action I noticed. I am 99% sure this person doesn't read my blog anyway - well if they do, they have never said so to me. I think it was indignant and kind of horrified that they behaved/thought this way.

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But....

God gave me a conscience for a reason. It made me feel sick in the belly as my mouse hovered over the PUBLISH POST button.

"What are you doing?? What will this do??" said a gentle but loving voice.

"But I'm right!!" I argued back.

"SO??? How will you doing this show ME?"

You are so right God. So I deleted the lot.

It's not about what I can teach them, but what God is teaching me! What did I get out of those scriptures? What did God talk to ME about? What does GOD want me to share and teach? How dare I presume to preach and teach things that I am unwilling to learn for myself. I would be man that built my house on the sand - "But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards." Matthew 7:26

The Bible is a tool, an amazing life-giving tool. And I need to remember that. God speaks to me when I read - and it's a very sad thing when I use it to prove a point. I am sorry, Lord.

I have the gift of teaching on my life. I am priveledged to have this gift. But I can't abuse it. I can't use my Biblical knowledge to condemn and nit-pick. I'm SO glad that God reminded me of this.

"By their fruits you will know them...." - Matthew 7:16

I almost bore some ugly fruit. Thankfully God came along with his pruning shears!

MY PRAYER
Lord I am so so sorry. Thankyou for pointing out that I was making a big mistake and that your word is life giving, not a club to beat people over the head with.
Help me be open to your Word, I want to hear what you have to teach me. When I speak your Word, either here or in churches, I want to teach what YOU have taught me. I want each message to give life and hope.
Years ago you showed me this: Luke 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because I am marked out by him to give good news to the poor; he has sent me to make well those who are broken-hearted; to say that the prisoners will be let go, and the blind will see, and to make the wounded free from their chains,
Help me base my words and my teachings on this: I don't want to just have any message, I want them to be annointed, Spirit filled and God-ordained.
Thankyou for your grace and mercy to me. Thankyou that you care and love me enough to show me when I am doing the wrong thing. Deal with my pride. Keep dealing with me and remind me often that I haven't "arrived" yet.
Amen

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Christian's Environmental responsibility.

I've just read an article as part of assesment regarding Christian's and their responsibility to take care of the earth.

The phrase - "When you love someone, you take care of their posessions" really struck a chord with me. If I love God, I will take care of all that he owns.

Read this webpage and think about it.


http://www.christianecology.org/Stewardship.html

(Sorry I can't link it, something is up with my links!!)

God man a job when he was first created: Genesis 1:26. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
This job hasn't expired - we are still called to take care of the earth and all that is on it. We aren't supposed to be taking advantage of the Earth and taking all we can get from it. We are merely tenants (Lev. 25:23-24. The land is mine and you are but aliens and my tenants.)

We don't have to be extremists, but we certainly can show responsibility by doing all we can to care for the earth. Recycle, minimise disposable item use, responsible power usage, reduce your carbon footprint etc.

What can you do?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Honor thy leader

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 My friends, we ask you to be thoughtful of your leaders who work hard and tell you how to live for the Lord. Show them great respect and love because of their work.

God has appointed people to lead His people. In the church there are people who are in leadership positions, who are responsible for the people they lead. I can tell you that the people in leadership often work very hard. I know because I am in leadership. I know what time and effort gets put into the ministry.

Seriously, the last thing leadership needs are whinging, whining church members who focus on the problems, focus on need, rather than focus on the work that is actually done or offer their help. It's demoralizing, discouraging and actually doesn't accomplish very much. "We need...." is not what leaders need to hear... what they need is "We need a... and I am a willing helper to get it underway." Condemnation, demands, and criticism will get you know where.. and fast.

So before you condemn, criticise, complain about your leadership, think about how you can be thoughtful, recognise the hard work they do, how you can submit to their leadership, show them respect and love them. With this new attitude, your leaders will be able to lead more successfully and with confidence, knowing that you are right there behind them, supporting them and loving them.

There is no excuse whatsoever in failing to submit and honor the people who have been placed in leadership over you. I know personalities can sometimes create a buzz in us and make us feel stubborn and annoyed with their leadership. But no matter how annoying they are.. and no matter how rubbish we think they are... we need to submit, support and honor them.

MY PRAYER
Lord help me remember to have a submissive and supportive attitude when dealing with my leaders. Help me deal with criticism graciously and try to not let it effect the ministry. Amen

Sunday, August 9, 2009

being the scum...

Phillipians 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

I love this verse.

This teaches us a great way to behave and to treat other people. In society, we are not equal, there are always the "bogans", the "ferals", the uncouth, unkempt member, the uneducated, the unemployed etc. In the church it sometimes isn't much better. There are members that are smelly, feral, and uneducated. And often these church members are "politely ignored". Pushed to the edges, shunned... social outcasts.

We as Christians are challenged here to "count others more significant"

How would we treat the Prime Minister if he came to church? With respect. We would go out of our way to make him welcome, make sure he had good seat, had someone to talk to, showed him around etc. How would we treat the Queen of England if she came to church? We would honor her, respect her, make sure she had a good seat, had a cup of tea afterwards, spoke to her with immense kindness and respect.

We always treat people who are more significant than us with respect. It's just how the human race works.

Every single person should be treated like the Prime Minister. Every single person should be thought of as royalty. Because when we adopt this mindset, we are treating ALL people with respect, with kindness, with unselfishness.

In our attitude change, we have to get past the "social" divides to show humility and the true character of Christ. Jesus most certainly didn't use "I'm God" when he touched a leper, a blind man, and hung out with a tax collector. He didn't refuse to die for all mankind because he was better than everyone. He didn't use class and social divides as an excuse to not minister to all.

What an amazing challenge!!

I encourage you today, starting today, to treat all mankind with this attitude, and show them Christ through your actions.

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MY PRAYER
Lord please help me to remember that I am not better than anyone else. Please show me ways to show YOU through my actions. Thankyou that you were above social divides and showed the world true love, by dying for us all.
Amen.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

No squatting!

I was having a discussion with my Mum today about foundations and roots. (yes still on my mind!) and she said something that I found very interesting.

"Don't build your foundations on someone else's faith - it's squatting."

We have to have a faith of our own, not borrowing other people's faith. It's good to hear other people's expression of faith, and follow their journey - but it's not good to take their journey and their learnings as your own and build your foundation on that. Each journey, each faith is as individual as we were created to be. We need to stand on our own two feet and walk our own walk.

Read God's Word for yourself, don't just read other people's interpretations of it and build your foundation on that.

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I've heard that the Word of God is like a treasure hunt - why be content looking at the gems that other people have mined? God has special and unique gems for us to discover and to treasure.

I know people who have built their foundations on other people's faith. Sadly they are lost, aimless and weak. Like a Gypsy, roaming from place to place, no roots, no solid stuff beneath their feet, because they don't have the right foundations.

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.

No wonder they are lost and aimless - we need light and clarity to be able to move on with God. We need to have some idea of where we are going and what we are doing. God's Word will tell us that.

May God bless you.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

You gotta build your house upon the rock!

I was just flicking through the Bible, wondering what on earth to read... what on earth to share with you.

I found myself in Colossians, and my eyes rested on:
Colossians 2:7 Plant your roots in Christ and let him be the foundation for your life.

Is there a theme happening here at the moment? Yesterday I talked about roots running deep.

Then I remembered this parable:
Matthew 7:24-27 These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.
But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards."


When a home is built, there are footings put in place to keep the house upright. If these footings are not correct for the type of foundation, then the house will crumble.

The same is with our life - if we build it on Jesus and follow his teachings, our foundations will be strong and sure.

I like what the Message version says about the Sand builder - "just use my words in Bible studies" - it's so important to live what you read, what you learn and what you speak. It's all well and good to have a knowledge of God's Word - but to actually apply it as well.

Life is firm, secure and safe when your roots are firmly rooted into Christ. This doens't mean trouble won't happen or storms won't come - it just won't destroy you. It won't knock you over like a house of cards!

A testimony...

I just want to share something that happened today.

I'm seeing a Social Worker because my son has been diagnosed with sensory based anxiety. I need help to parent him in the best way that I can and this Social Worker helps me do that, as well as educating me to identify his needs and how I can meet them.

So anyway...

Today I spoke to her about my past. I will tell you guys soon, I promise - but in a nut shell I told her everything, how terrible my teens were, how destroyed I was, I broken, hurt and angry I was. She listened in stunned silence. I didn't say anything about the part God played in it. I didn't tell her it was him that rescued me. Do you know what she said?

"I can see that your faith in God has given you strength."

She could see God in me - even though she doesn't necessarily believe in God, she has recognised that without God I would have crumbled!

I was then able to share a few verses in the Bible that had helped me. She responded positively and didn't dismiss it at all. She didn't try to dismiss the idea that God was bigger than my need and hurt, and try to explain it in another way. She simply accepted that God was in control of my situation, and I trusted Him.

God is really good!! He's allowed me to share my testimony in part - he opened a door!! :)

Thankyou Lord. Now please do your thing with the seed that has been planted in that woman's life. Amen.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A promise of life!

Jeremiah 17:7-8 But I will bless those who trust me. They will be like trees growing beside a stream-- trees with roots that reach down to the water, and with leaves that are always green. They bear fruit every year and are never worried by a lack of rain.

God's Word is amazing isn't it??

Another promise of blessing if we trust God. In my opinion, trusting God is easy - because he has never failed me. How can you NOT trust a God who provides for you, loves you, cares for you, listens to you, cries when you cry, laughs when you laugh, and gives the most precious thing he has so that we can be in relationship with him.

But not only are we promised blessing if we trust in God, we are shown what our lives will be like. We will be tress that roots reach down to the water. They are DEEP roots. They are deeply imbedded into the soil, heading straight for the nourishment it needs to be strong.

What are your roots imbedded in?

Ephesians 3:17 ....be deeply rooted in his love

Trust God! He loves you! Base your self worth, your identity you security in this!


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And when times of drought come - and lets face it, they do. I've gone through the desert before. It lasted about a year. But God told me to keep my eyes on him, keep chewing on my "fat stores" - the Word of God that I had stashed away, keep meditating on what I did have. I didn't fear walking through that time.
You don't have to fear going through dry patches because the living water is at your root tips. There may not be water in the "river" - but never fear, because beneath the surface there is still stuff happening.

You will know if you're roots run deep, when during the dry times, you are not effected spiritually. You still keep moving on, and you don't crumble. You still continual to bear fruit which indicates that you are still growing! Our lives are to be filled with life during spiritually dry periods.

Have you been through a drought period? I would love to hear about it. How did you get through it?

MY PRAYER
Dear Father,
Thankyou for your Word and for your promises to us. I pray that every single root I have is firmly rooted in your love for me. I pray I won't let external influences stop that imbedding. Thankyou that we can be strong in you and continually have opportunities to grow, even in the dry times. Keep growing me, keep expanding me and showing me more and more treasures from your Word.
I pray a blessing on all my readers and I pray that you will surround them with your love and peace today. Amen

A personal prayer..

** Our church is doing 1 month of prayer and fasting - and I concentrate better if I write my prayers down **

Psalm 7:4-54 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.

Lord my heart's desire is to serve you, to be closer to you. I want to be so close that I can hear your heartbeat. I want to know your heart's desire for me. I want what you want for me. My desires are what you plant in me.

Father, there are some things in me that I know are from you, but yet I feel like they are unused. I don't want to be like the man who buried his talents, who didn't invest in them, and use them to benefit his Lord. I want to use them, I really do. I just don't seem to get the opportunities. I pray God that you will open doors, open up my options, create opportunities for me to use what you gave me.

I haven't forgotten the vision you gave me years ago, in regards to my testimony. I know I am to speak it, tell it, share it, and provide hope, healing and restoration. I know you haven't forgotten this either. I ask that again you will open doors. Help me refine this message so it can be a message of maximum impact. Shape me, show me how I can change to be ready for this.

Purify me Father, put me through the fire to refine me. I know this is a dangerous prayer, but I want to be ready for New Life (which is what is this month's focus) - I want to be growing and maturing continually in you. I never want to get to the place of "I've arrived" - I never will, I know that. I don't want to slacken off in my walk nor do I want to ever feel like I've checked out of Christianity.

My trust is in you Lord - I know that you can make things come about that I can't. Where I am weak, you are strong. Where to me it seems impossible, in you NOTHING is impossible. Thankyou for giving me the courage to dream and desire - and I pray that you will give me the courage to be patient, to wait until you are ready. I know you alone are the only one that can make my dreams come true.

The desire to speak your word, to teach, to preach, to speak into the lives of others is so strong, it is physically rising up in me. I can feel it come up from within into my throat. I want it so bad!

Please help me to not have a spirit of pride in my abilities, but to be humble and thankful to you. Help me to be thankful that other's have the opportunity to speak your word, and not be resentful of it. All I do, I do for you - I want to remember that. All I am, is because of you. All I ever will be, is because of you.

You are an amazing God, and you bless me so much! Thankyou for everything I have. I pray that you continue to pour out in me, blessing, teaching, growth and life.

Proverbs 3:5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.


I trust in you. I believe in you. I follow you. I want more of you.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Control yourself!

Galatians 5:22-23 But the spiritual nature produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Self control - what is that?
What exactly is that???

Taken from
In the New Testament, the most common Greek word for self-control (temperance, KJV) is enkrateia. Its root meaning is "power over oneself" or "self-mastery." Self-control, in its widest sense, is mastery over our passions. It is the virtue that holds our appetites in check, controlling our rational will or regulating our conduct without being duly swayed by sensuous desires. Moderation is a key element in self-control.

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I can't stand hearing excuses for certain behaviour - instead of owning it. It shows a lack of self control. It shows that the person does not have power over oneself.

I'm guilty of not having power over my actions. These last few months, I have put on weight because I have been eating in my stress, instead of dealing with it properly. I cannot blame stress, or comfort eating for my weight gain, I can only blame myself. I ate the food, I chose to eat, I chose to allow my stress and food to consume me. I gave this power - I allowed it to reign over me.

Proverbs 25:28 Losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall. .

Hear that? If one does not have self control, one is vulnerable to attack. One is open and weak. There is no strength, there is no resistance.

My lecturer tell me this joke.
Satan was sitting on the curb crying. One of the demons came up to him and said "What's wrong??"
Satan sniffed, "Them Christians!! They are always blaming me for things I didn't do!"

Satan can't make you lose your self control - because it's about SELF control. You need to own your behaviour, own your weakness and then bring it under submission. Bring it under control. Bind it. A mental illness or a personality trait cannot control your behaviour - it certainly influences it, but not control it. Own your behaviour. Own your actions. Own what you think and feel, what you do and say. The first step to being in control of it, is to realise that it needs to be controlled!

So today, I bind my lack of self control in the eating. God wants me to live in freedom, but I can't be free when I am not in control of myself. I own my sin. I repent. This won't be easy - but I am ready to do it.

Where do you lack control? Are you ready to bind it, bring it under submission and rule in your own life?

MY PRAYER
Thankyou God for placing this on my heart. Thankyou that you want me to be the very best I can be, and want me to live in freedom and reign in life. I pray that the readers today will also understand that this is your will, and it's not about being a dictator, but about being a Daddy. You want the best for your kids.
Amen.

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