I heard a really good analogy last night that really spoke to me - and I want to share it with you.
The analogy was of a spotlight. When the spotlight is directly shining in our faces or ON us, we struggle to see clearly. If I shone a spotlight in your face and then called you to me, you wouldn't be able to see your path. When you are in the spotlight you aren't confident in your journey or in yourself, because the attention is on you. But if you use the spotlight to light the way, to show you your path - then you can walk towards your goal with confidence and with clarity.
As you know, I'm really struggling. I struggle with sudden change, and this whole changing churches thing, my son's condition, the life changes we have had to make, my own plans that I had mapped out being totally destroyed has really knocked me for six! My path has shifted - I feel like a rug has been ripped out underneath me. I'm struggling to find my footing, trying to work out where I am going, what I will do, what will God do etc etc. The spotlight is on me. It's all about me. My feelings. My anxiety. My worry. My panic. My constant wondering. But it's not about me. If I take the spotlight off myself for a moment and use it to look around me, then my path will be clearer.
I need to keep focus on what God has told me, instead of being so introspective. It's not about me. It's NOT about me. It's not about ME.
I can almost hear God saying that cliche phrase "It's not you, it's me."
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
and of course I have to give you the crystal clear Message version:
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Pray for me. I have to keep telling myself all this stuff over and over, to get it into my spirit. So I can face this new direction with peace in my heart and confidence that my steps are ordered by the Lord and my race has been set before me. Hopefully soon all this will bypass my head, destroy the anxiety and settle straight into my heart.
Lord, the best thing about you is that you see where I am at, I don't have to pretend to have it all together with you. I pray that you will help me conquor this worry and this feeling of imbalance. I pray you will steady me as I trust in you to continue on in this. Thankyou for your Word. I pray that it will be a lethal blow - as a sword is, to this barrage of panic that keeps rising in me. I want to trust in you. I do trust you - it's just that my head forgets sometimes. I want to believe that your plans are better than my plans. You won't abandon me and you are still going to give me the desires of my heart - and fulfill your promises to me.
I pray you give me the strength and the courage to face and deal with my son's issues, and help me be the very best mother I can be to him. Help me show him love, compassion and patience.
Thankyou Lord for continuing to love me and being patient with me as I try to process this all.