As a result of this encounter I didn't sleep well last night. I struggled with "capturing my thoughts" (Corinthians 10:5) and making them submit to Christ. I could not pour energy into negative thinking, instead I cried out to God, and I worshipped him. Praised him, thanked him - trying to turn away from my anger, and instead adopting an attitude of thanksgiving to the God who created me and loves me. As my mind began to still as the hours crept on, I heard the Lord whisper into my heart, "rest in me". I got a picture of me, exhausted, battle weary, hungry, dirty, ready to collapse, and then I could see two arms reaching out for me, to cradle me and carry me. God continued to assure me of his strength and ability to care for me. "I am your refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1). I am you hiding place, your place of safety (Psalm 32:7)"
God's Word is what I needed to calm the turmoil within me. God was there for me when I needed him most, and was there to catch me as I stumbled. I am reminded of when my little one falls over and is hurt, I scoop her up into my arms and cuddle her and love her, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort. I feel that is a place I am in right now. God has scooped this fragile creature up into his loving arms, and is now stroking my hair and comforting me while I cry.
So now I give praise to the Lord, who is my rock, loving ally, fortress, my tower of safety, my rescuer. He is my shield and I will take refuge in him. (Psalm 144:1-2)