Sunday, February 3, 2013

Revive the Vision

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting very much. That is because I was on a journey and God was leading me places I thought I would never go!
In the last 12 months I have been living this crazy life and I haven't even had time to scratch, let alone blog. My Bible studies fell to the wayside. My prayerlife was intermittent. And that's ok. God doesn't hold that against me, because he gave me the life I lead and knew that when I got to this part, all hell would break loose, and I would struggle. He held my hand and was with me every step of the way. This I am certain of. You know that saying "Too busy NOT to pray"? Well..honestly - I was! By the time I sat down after everything else I was doing, I was so tired and my brain couldn't function. What I could cut back on, I did - but still found that 2012 was insanity plus some!

In the last 12 months, two of my children were diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. My son was diagnosed first, and because of his age, we were eligible for government help and an early intervention package. This meant very intense therapy. This meant up to 3 appointments a week, researching, learning, reading, doing a few hours of therapy in the evenings with him, liaising with the school, advocating for him and helping him. My days were very full. I had to put aside everything in my life and just focus on him. Then a few months ago, my eldest daughter got a diagnosis of ASD. Thankfully she manages hers quite well and so only needs a bit of help from two therapists. Also because we have two kids on the spectrum, we get more help and support. This means I don't have so much running around to do.

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Last week, my baby girl started school - so with all three of them out of the house, I find myself with lots of time to use. I have plans, lots and lots of plans. Yesterday, while in the middle of planning some things to do over the next few weeks, God whispered in my ear "It's time to revive the vision." The vision? I had practically given up on it. I thought maybe I would never see if fulfilled - or maybe it would be fulfilled when my kids don't need me so much.

It's time to start preparing myself for my calling. God has laid some groundwork - and I have come out of this time - faith unshakeable, trusting in God and his purposes, and with character. Yeah it was hard. It was hell at times. But God has not forgotten me, nor has he lead me down this path and given me this life for the sake of it. I must say God's preparation methods are not that great sometimes - but I have to have faith in what he is doing.

I am reminded of the verses in Jeremiah: {Jeremiah 29:11-14} For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

This encourages me so much, because it shows that our character and faith building journeys do not last forever!! I had reached breaking point in my journey. Then God pulled me out. He ended that crazy period in my life and replaced it with a new time. THIS time. A time to pray, to seek God wholeheartedly. To replenish my spirit with the Word of God. To prepare my heart and spirit to serve him in however he chooses to use me. This time is the time to enjoy being in the presence of God and savoring the time. This time is the time to get to know ME again - who is this person who has come out of this crazy time?

Thank you Father for being with me while I went down the ASD road. Thank you for the life lessons it taught me, the faith lessons that were instilled in me and for loving me even though you didn't get much of a look in. Thank you that you are not a God of guilt-trips and manipulation. You allowed me to live the life I was given in the best way I knew how.
Lord as I turn the corner and onto a new road, I want to pick up my vision and dreams. I want to develop my calling and skills to be used for your glory and in extending your kingdom. Show me how to do that. Be my teacher. Be my mentor.

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